My intentions were good at first. I had some great ideas for a few entries and then...... I fell off the wagon. Pretty hard. I'm not 100% sure what caused it; probably frustration when my next deadline for my 199 lb goal came around and my weight hadn't budged? Maybe the cupcakes I made for my son's 2nd birthday led to a week long binge? Traveling and a new job led to improper meal planning and compulsive snacking? Whatever the cause, my weight fluctuated by about 3 pounds up until this week. I've finally made progress and I'm now only 6 pounds away from this goal, not 8.
To be quite honest, this 'episode' hasn't caused that much damage. Not like the ones before it. For example, last year when Paul started this new job 3 hours away and we hadn't moved yet, I fell off the wagon and gained 10 pounds in about 3 months. Or when I quit smoking back in 2007, I gained about 20 pounds in a very short amount of time. So yea, in the grand scheme of things, barely losing weight since May isn't the worst thing in the world. I just need to discipline myself better from here on out, and faster!
So what's different now? Awareness. I've become aware that usually around 90 days after I begin a new regimen I go though a rebellion and the idea of
*headdesk*
My lack of balance in this area of my life definitely needs work. One day I will be able to go out at night, 'eat drink and be merry' and then STOP the next day. I went to the beach with my friends last weekend and did better than I have in the past, but again, I need work.
I've also become aware that I am a compulsive eater. I need to just accept this as a real issue. If my son doesn't want to finish his dinner, I feel like I need to eat a bite (or two, or ten) or give it to the dogs. Or save it for him for the next day. I CANNOT throw it out. If Paul is eating a late night snack, suddenly I feel like I should have one too. If I'm antsy, if I'm waiting on someone, I've caught myself munching on handfuls of almonds and raisins. When I make Grayson's lunch for pre-school I've caught myself sneaking nibbles of sandwich supplies. I think a good portion of what I overeat is consumed in this fashion, and that's SCARY. I've started researching techniques to break this habit, and trying to be more aware of how much I do it, so this won't be an issue any more. Again, I need work!
Part of me, let's call her The Weakling, is rolling her eyes with her arms crossed, thinking "Yay, more freaking obstacles." The other part of me, let's call her the Drill Instructor, is smacking the Weakling on the back of the head saying "Stop whining. It's a badge of honor. Get back to work."
"Fall down seven times, get up eight."
