The Birth Experience

On May 24, 2011 at 4:04 pm, I delivered our son Grayson Mitchell.
7lbs, 14 oz
20 inches long
28 hours in labor

He was 3 weeks early.  I was happy about that; if he had been carried to term he probably would have been too big for me to deliver vaginally and I would have needed a C-Section, and also because I was convinced I was going to have a May baby.

The previous morning (Monday), Paul and I had tons of plans for the day.  We were going into town for a regular Dr appointment, then get our car-seats installed by the Fire Department, followed by the gym and the grocery store, etc.  I was going to drive Paul to work and use his car.  I was getting ready to leave and I thought I had wet my pants (which happened a few times during my pregnancy, so I thought nothing of it.)  Then as we were driving into town I felt a little cramp, like Braxton Hicks.  Again I brushed it off.  I got another one about 10 minutes later and told Paul he might want to come to the doctor with me.  We stopped to return some DVD's to Redbox and all of a sudden the rest of my water broke. 

In Paul's driver's seat.

We raced to the doctor and they confirmed it - I was 2 cm dilated and in labor.  We didn't even have my bag packed yet.  We called our family, sent out mass text messages and went straight to Martha Jefferson Hospital.

My Birth Room, lucky #7

Our hospital focuses a lot on natural childbirth and has a wonderful set-up to make you feel at home.  All the birth rooms have whirlpool tubs too, which is where I went as soon as I could.

I tried to keep myself from having any high expectations of how I would handle labor and childbirth.  Quite frankly, I've never been in a lot of pain before.  I've never broken a bone or been in an accident or anything close to it, therefore I had no idea how much pain I could take.  All I did was promise myself that I would hold out on any pain meds until I absolutely could not take any more.  I stayed in the tub as long as I could, the water really helped the pain in my lower back.  The human body is amazing in how it copes with pain and stress.  Between each contraction I felt so relaxed and calm I thought I could just drift off to sleep.  Someone told me that would happen and I really had a hard time believing that, but she was right.  It was around then that I hit my first mental 'brick wall'.  I needed something, but I didn't want an epidural yet, so I took some fentynal.  By about 8:30 I had 3 shots and it wasn't really taking affect anymore.  I didn't want to ask for the epidural until I knew how much more I was dilated, since if I was getting ready to start pushing then there was no point in having any more drugs.  I was convinced I was in transition when then Dr came to check me at 9:00.  But I was only 5 cm!  I'm sad to say I was losing my cool at this point because the pressure was so uncomfortable at only 5 cm.  When the Dr asked me how I felt I said. "Like I'm going to sh*t out a Buick, how do you think I feel??"  He didn't miss a beat though, his response was "Let's try to make that feel more like a Volkswagen."   I gave in at this point and asked for the drugs.  By 10:30 I was much more comfortable and was trying to sleep as my body prepared for childbirth. 

I need to take a moment and mention that the noises women make in labor are hilarious......if it's not you in labor.  I had more laughs at the videos we saw in birthing class and at the women I heard in labor when our birthing class toured the hospital.  But it came back to bite me later when it was my turn.  At first I was able to be quiet and just breathe or move around a little to handle it, but then I slowly started getting louder as the contractions intensified.  I went from deep Yoga breaths to slight humming, to Buddhist-monk-style-chant, and finally when I was pushing and frustrated I probably sounded like Dory (from Finding Nemo) trying to speak whale in humpback dialect. 

It took almost another 14 hours before I was able to start pushing. That took almost another 3 hours.  It turns out he was stuck on my pubic bone and we needed to get him under it to come out.  I had to keep turning on my sides and trying different positions.  I could not tell if he was moving forward with each push, but I was hanging on the the encouraging words coming from both Paul and Mom as they were watching the whole thing.  You lose all modesty at this point because there are so many people 'all up in it'.  Lucky for me, Lisa, who taught our birthing class, was on duty that day and was with me the whole time.  The last 20 minutes were the hardest but they were also a blur.  I couldn't breathe in the position I was in but I couldn't move anymore after he started crowning - I had to push as is.  It was just when I thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen that I felt something give and the doctor laid this wiggly, slimy, cone headed little human on my belly.  Time stopped.  You know how in the movies when the main character has that scene where all the sound is gone from the background, everything is in slow-mo and all he can focus on is that one person, or that one event that has been building up inside of him throughout the whole film?  It was like that.  He was here.  Everything Paul and I had done to prepare was for this moment on.  I don't remember Paul cutting the cord.  I don't remember then taking him directly over the cart thing and getting his APGAR score, or saying he needed oxygen and wouldn't cry at first.  I didn't even get a good look at him because he was covered in so much stuff.  I couldn't even speak right away.  I was truly dumbfounded for a minute.

Cleaning him off and giving him oxygen

I snapped out of it when I realized they were trying to clean me up.  Relief that it was over hit me hard and that's when I started to cry and apologize to everyone for being so mean there for a few minutes.  I found out I only needed one stitch and the Dr didn't even need to use the vacuum extractor or forceps.  At least I had a little victory there. 

One of the nurses brought Grayson back over to me after he was cleaned off and bundled up like a little baby burrito.  Finally I got a good look at my son.  While I had been pregnant I was constantly wondering what he would look like.  Would he have my hair color?  Paul's height?  He might look like Paul's grandfather!  Or my dad! The curiosity drove me nuts.

Me seeing Grayson before he goes to the nursery

 He had his eyes closed and he was making these little noises.  He had this cute little round face and chubby cheeks.  Then I saw the chin.  It was a 'Cooper' chin.  My chin.  My dad's chin.  A tiny little point at the bottom of a round little face.  I touched his little cheeks and whispered "Welcome" and then he was gone to the nursery.  He needed some special care being a preemie and because of my diabetes.  But I used that time to begin recovery.  We had a lot of visitors and I needed to let everyone know he was here. 

Given the end product, I'd do it again.

The Pregnancy Experience

That's me at 30 weeks.  I'm sure I'm bigger now =)

No one could ever describe pregnancy well enough for someone to understand.  You've got to go through it.  I have been fascinated by this entire process, even the not-so fun stuff.

My first reaction was panic, then amazement.  We had only just decided we would stop all birthcontrol 3 weeks before I had gotten pregnant.  I couldnt beleive it happened so fast!  I don't remember feeling overly tired but wow was I hungry the first trimester!  I never threw up, although I did get nauseous from time to time.  I'm convinced the lack of vomiting and fatigue was because I did not take those synthetically made prenatal vitamins. I took something much more natural.  I even took all my supplements to my doctor to get her 'seal of approval' on whether or not they would be ok.

Paul and I enjoyed spreading the word about being pregnant to everyone. This is the first grandchild for his parents and for my mom, so it was a big deal for them.  It all seemed so surreal! 

I had told myself over and over again that I would maintain a positive attitude during the whole pregnancy.  What I hated hearing were a) ladies' labor horror stories (seriously, why do I need to hear how terrible your labor was, especially since I have never gone through this before) and b) women who complain about all the side effects of pregnancy itself.  So what if your skin gets dry or you gain some extra weight?  How many women out there would gladly go through those things if that meant they get to have a baby??  I wanted to maintain and display more gratitdue than that. 

It's not like I didn't have my share of challenges during this time of my life.  I had the normal uncomfortable feelings and some swelling.  I cried a little more than normal.  I had a few colds to suffer through since I can't take medications for them. I'm also a gestational diabetic and I have to give myself insulin 3 times a day.  Does that ruin pregnancy for me? No.  Does that mean I'm going to complain about it to everyone like it's the end of the world? No.  I get to have a child.  I'm blessed, perfect circumstances or not.

I had some feelings I did not expect. I can't wait to see the look on my mother and mother in law's faces when they see their grandson for the first time.  I've realized that this is as much a gift for them as it is for us.
 I was pondering over that idea when I realized how much I missed my dad.  I don't think I missed him this much when Paul and I got married, but for some reason when I realized he was going to miss his grandchild I got a little sentimental over the idea.  I did not expect that feeling at all, since it's been almost 15 years since he passed.  However, it felt like he was there at my baby shower when my cousin Kelly unveiled her gift to me; a beautifully hand made changing table.

Woodworking (and other creative outlets) seemed to be a huge passion in the Cooper family.  Dad and his brother Larry (Kelly's father) enjoyed it a lot.  Dad couldn't have done a better job on that himself.  Thank you Kelly.

So now I begin the process of winding down the pregnancy and getting ready for labor, delivery, nursing, bringing the baby home to a house with 2 dogs, etc.  I leave my job Wednesday and I can begin nesting.  I am sure I'll find something to say before then too.  =)

Oh Baby!

My life went a little haywire for a while, in a good way.  My computer crashed in September so I didn't even try to document anything till I got it back a few weeks ago.  My birthday came and I did the appropriate amount of crying in the bathroom, then got over it, got a pedicure and went out with my friends.  I had this depressing feeling the whole day about how I had reached none of my goals in life yet.  It was weird to be gripped by such a feeling again, at least one that was so strong it dragged me into the bathroom at work 6 times in one day to 'boo-hoo' about it.  I was exhausted.  I went to a friends wedding and cried.  I came home and was watching Hook (w/ Robin Williams), and cried.  Robin Williams movies do not make me cry (except maybe for Patch Adams).  And I was still tired all the time.  So I decided I should probably take a test.

Positive!! 

At first I was really relieved to find out that was what could have made my emotions go all over the place. Then I had a mini panic attack, but I was still excited.  Paul was really cute about it.  He didn't jump up or anything, he just smiled and said "Sweet!"  We did the appropriate stuff, went to the doctor, told our families, told our friends, etc.  We had an ultra sound at 8 weeks to determine an actual due date since my cycle had been so messed up after going off the pill in August.  June 16th 2011. Wow, it only took us 3 weeks to get pregnant.  What a blessing.  How humbling! 

Our little embryo at 8 weeks

I must admit, among all the wonderful emotions that come along with finding out you are about to become a parent, the one thing I was not prepared for was a nagging feeling of unworthiness.  I knew plenty of people - good people - that had lost a child or miscarried or struggled for years to get pregnant.  Yet here I was, checkered past and all, able to get pregnant almost right away.  And I never knew for sure if I even wanted kids until about  6 months ago.  But I also know that guilt and shame do not come from God, so I can stick that feeling right back where it belongs.  Not all feelings tell the truth.

The last few months I wanted to start doing one of the various things I had always been afraid of trying.  I thought I'd finally learn how to paint or create some kind of art.  Instead I tackled the bigger, more scarier activity.  I created a person instead.