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Nesting has begun.

I left my job last Wednesday.  It was a bittersweet goodbye, since I had been there so long.  The people that own Finley's had seen me through some big transitions in life; Paul in Iraq, then getting married, then quitting smoking, moving 3 times, etc.  But it was time for me to move on.  A person doesn't grow by always staying in the same place.  Change is so good for the soul.

Everyone keeps telling me to rest and take it easy.  I have a really hard time with that!  I think I've always had this deep seated fear of being considered slow or lazy, therefore I constantly have to be doing something.  First, I promised Paul I would make him breakfast every morning.  I usually make green smoothies and eggs or french toast or something. But I admit, I had an alterior motive for doing that.  Paul gets so focused on his job during the day he almost never takes time to stop and eat, so I devised a plan that if I make him breakfast every morning and send him off with some snacks then he would eat and be in a better state of mind while at work.  Then there may not be any late night trips to Wendy's either - hooray!!  

(I've found planning our meals also helps keep me on a food budget.  I seem to do very well on strict budgets.  I really believe that if we practice good spending habits now, when the time comes and we have a greater income then we will be better prepared to handle it.)

I've been trying to give myself a list of things to do everyday- for me, the house, the baby's room, etc.  I wanted to make sure I was at the gym regularly and I wasn't hanging around at home all day. I was doing real good staying focused for the first few days but I am definitely starting to feel pregnant.  I really think God designed pregnancy to get uncomfortable towards the end to help the Mommy look forward to childbirth.  It just begins to get difficult to move around and stand up from laying down. I'm also swelling a lot in the legs, hands and face.  I feel like a bug that got stuck on their back, or like the girl from Willy Wonka that turns into a big blueberry.
  Yea, kinda like that.

I still practice my 'attitude of gratitude' and remind myself that it's only a few more weeks.  My Dr's have suggested inducing labor sometime around June 8.  He is head-down now which means he's getting into position.  I can't wait to see what he looks like.  I wonder if he will have black hair like I did when I was born.

Our other prject right now is getting our two dogs ready to have a baby in the house.  We actually bought a  baby-doll to carry around with us, and we rigged my iphone to play baby noises.  Sookie doesn't seem interested, but Fi's reaction was interesting.  He would lay by my feet and growl at Sookie everytime she came by.  He seemed curious about the cooing noises, but when we had the baby cry he got very concerned.  He started whining and running around Paul in circles as if he was saying "DO SOMETHING!!"  He wanted to be right by the baby until it stopped 'crying'.  We set up the pack-and-play and put the baby in it and the dogs were fine. That makes me feel better about the whole thing.

We are at 36 weeks now.  Not much longer to go!

The Pregnancy Experience

That's me at 30 weeks.  I'm sure I'm bigger now =)

No one could ever describe pregnancy well enough for someone to understand.  You've got to go through it.  I have been fascinated by this entire process, even the not-so fun stuff.

My first reaction was panic, then amazement.  We had only just decided we would stop all birthcontrol 3 weeks before I had gotten pregnant.  I couldnt beleive it happened so fast!  I don't remember feeling overly tired but wow was I hungry the first trimester!  I never threw up, although I did get nauseous from time to time.  I'm convinced the lack of vomiting and fatigue was because I did not take those synthetically made prenatal vitamins. I took something much more natural.  I even took all my supplements to my doctor to get her 'seal of approval' on whether or not they would be ok.

Paul and I enjoyed spreading the word about being pregnant to everyone. This is the first grandchild for his parents and for my mom, so it was a big deal for them.  It all seemed so surreal! 

I had told myself over and over again that I would maintain a positive attitude during the whole pregnancy.  What I hated hearing were a) ladies' labor horror stories (seriously, why do I need to hear how terrible your labor was, especially since I have never gone through this before) and b) women who complain about all the side effects of pregnancy itself.  So what if your skin gets dry or you gain some extra weight?  How many women out there would gladly go through those things if that meant they get to have a baby??  I wanted to maintain and display more gratitdue than that. 

It's not like I didn't have my share of challenges during this time of my life.  I had the normal uncomfortable feelings and some swelling.  I cried a little more than normal.  I had a few colds to suffer through since I can't take medications for them. I'm also a gestational diabetic and I have to give myself insulin 3 times a day.  Does that ruin pregnancy for me? No.  Does that mean I'm going to complain about it to everyone like it's the end of the world? No.  I get to have a child.  I'm blessed, perfect circumstances or not.

I had some feelings I did not expect. I can't wait to see the look on my mother and mother in law's faces when they see their grandson for the first time.  I've realized that this is as much a gift for them as it is for us.
 I was pondering over that idea when I realized how much I missed my dad.  I don't think I missed him this much when Paul and I got married, but for some reason when I realized he was going to miss his grandchild I got a little sentimental over the idea.  I did not expect that feeling at all, since it's been almost 15 years since he passed.  However, it felt like he was there at my baby shower when my cousin Kelly unveiled her gift to me; a beautifully hand made changing table.

Woodworking (and other creative outlets) seemed to be a huge passion in the Cooper family.  Dad and his brother Larry (Kelly's father) enjoyed it a lot.  Dad couldn't have done a better job on that himself.  Thank you Kelly.

So now I begin the process of winding down the pregnancy and getting ready for labor, delivery, nursing, bringing the baby home to a house with 2 dogs, etc.  I leave my job Wednesday and I can begin nesting.  I am sure I'll find something to say before then too.  =)

Good for the Soul

In the last few months we have................

-  found out it's a boy (see the arrow pointing to the 'evidence'?)



  - got a new puppy (Sookie)

 -  bought a house

I keep thinking about my mental breakdown / cry-fest back in September on my 30th birthday and I laugh to myself.  Be careful what you wish for huh?  I'm not complaining.  Everything has been such a blessing, it would be foolish of me to not feel EXTREMELY grateful right now.

Oh Baby!

My life went a little haywire for a while, in a good way.  My computer crashed in September so I didn't even try to document anything till I got it back a few weeks ago.  My birthday came and I did the appropriate amount of crying in the bathroom, then got over it, got a pedicure and went out with my friends.  I had this depressing feeling the whole day about how I had reached none of my goals in life yet.  It was weird to be gripped by such a feeling again, at least one that was so strong it dragged me into the bathroom at work 6 times in one day to 'boo-hoo' about it.  I was exhausted.  I went to a friends wedding and cried.  I came home and was watching Hook (w/ Robin Williams), and cried.  Robin Williams movies do not make me cry (except maybe for Patch Adams).  And I was still tired all the time.  So I decided I should probably take a test.

Positive!! 

At first I was really relieved to find out that was what could have made my emotions go all over the place. Then I had a mini panic attack, but I was still excited.  Paul was really cute about it.  He didn't jump up or anything, he just smiled and said "Sweet!"  We did the appropriate stuff, went to the doctor, told our families, told our friends, etc.  We had an ultra sound at 8 weeks to determine an actual due date since my cycle had been so messed up after going off the pill in August.  June 16th 2011. Wow, it only took us 3 weeks to get pregnant.  What a blessing.  How humbling! 

Our little embryo at 8 weeks

I must admit, among all the wonderful emotions that come along with finding out you are about to become a parent, the one thing I was not prepared for was a nagging feeling of unworthiness.  I knew plenty of people - good people - that had lost a child or miscarried or struggled for years to get pregnant.  Yet here I was, checkered past and all, able to get pregnant almost right away.  And I never knew for sure if I even wanted kids until about  6 months ago.  But I also know that guilt and shame do not come from God, so I can stick that feeling right back where it belongs.  Not all feelings tell the truth.

The last few months I wanted to start doing one of the various things I had always been afraid of trying.  I thought I'd finally learn how to paint or create some kind of art.  Instead I tackled the bigger, more scarier activity.  I created a person instead.

Beautiful Painting

This made me stop and think....

We saw this yesterday at a church in Greensboro.  I have no idea who the artist is but I'd love to meet him / her.  Not only do I love this because it really makes you wonder what kind of impact you have on the world, but the other reason I love it is because it's done on sheet metal!

Do the Thing

I've become quite a quote-smith in the last several years.  These have been some of my favorite 'nuggets' of wisdom I've collected.

"Do the thing, and you will have the power.  Do not the thing, and you will have not the power."
"Action cures fear."
"If nothing changes, then NOTHING CHANGES."
"I would rather feel the pain of discipline than the pain of regret."

.  I love the simplicity and power of one little sentence.  I store up these little reminders in my head to reflect on, yet I continually forget - how powerful is one small action in the right direction?  All those seemingly small and meaningless things that can add up for success (in any endeavor) are so easy to do, but so easy not to do as well.  I think that's one reason why so many of us never realize our dreams. The excitement begins to fade away because it doesn't feel new anymore.

I had a seemingly insignificant victory today and several others this week that have reminded me of all this.  If all of my days were this good then I'll be much closer to my goals in much shorter of a time span.

Taking action has been something I have been working on for a while, but like many I fell short because it felt insignificant to do 'those small daily activities', therefore I slacked on 'those small daily activities'.  But after awhile it becomes too painful to stay in the same place all the time.  I would rather feel the pain of discipline or the pain of' "try, fail, adjust".

Apply that to your own life. To your own dreams.  What small step can you take every day to head in the right direction?  Try doing them everyday for a week and check how much better you feel about life.  Take a step back and appreciate how much closer you are to achieving your dreams.  Then keep going.

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

~~D~~

Green Smoothie Madness

Green Smoothie (Before)

                                                              Green Smoothie (After)

Spinach, pineapple, banana, a little soy-protein powder, a b-12 energy shot and water to blend and Voila!!

I began making these at home about 4 months ago (but I had some blender trouble and have now been able to start making them again)  I got the inspiration here.  I really need to email her and let her know that some complete stranger loves her smoothies and is broadcasting it shouldn't I?? 

The best part about these is that they are fresh and green, therefore perfect for breakfast!  As much as I try to eat as many raw fruits and veggies as I can every day, fitting in the green ones can be difficult since I'm not all that in to salads. So having one of these first thing in the morning is a great start to my day.  You can't even taste the spinach, all you taste is the sweet citrusy goodness.  But I love the sci-fi coloring.  Sometimes I take them to work and watch the 'grown men' I work with squirm when I drink it.  Sissies =)

I love experimenting with my diet. It's been one of my projects for almost the last year. I've also been reading a lot on diet & nutrition. I'll talk about that later.

~~D~~